Hello. I'm Zoë, and I've been overthinking everything since 1997. Sometimes I forget that I'm not actually friends with One Direction. My feels are running the ship now, they took over long ago. The more you get to know me, the more annoying and crazy you realise me to be, so you may want to keep your distance. This blog is a pointless clusterfuck of everything, and it will likely make no sense to you, but it's all relevant to me. I'm useless and people hate me :) Christchurch, New Zealand.
Post limit [ ]


if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’


last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

imagei wasn’t joking


i use humor to mask the fact that i want to fall off the face of the earth

"   The scariest moment is always just before you start.   "
Stephen King, On Writing (via observando)


i swear to fucking god if any of you annoying teenagers come to my house on Halloween and say “twerk or treat” i will literally travel through the depths of hell and find the most nasty ass tootsie roll thats available and drop it into your tacky ass, cum stained, pillow case